Yesterday, I had the opportunity to explain to my children the meaning of the gospel reading for the day, Matthew 18:21. The gospel was the one where Peter asks the Lord how many times should we forgive our brother? 7 times? And the Lord responds, ‘not 7 times, 77 times.’ He continues to tell Peter and the disciples the story of the servant who begs his master to have pity on him when he is unable to pay his large debt.
His master is threatening to take him, his wife, his children, and his property. However, in mercy and compassion, the master forgives the debt. The same servant turns around and encounters another servant who is in debt to him for a much smaller amount. Instead of showing this servant mercy and compassion as the master had just shown him, he does not forgive the man’s debt and rather has him sent to prison until the debt can be paid. When the master got word of this he tortured the servant who did not forgive.
I was reading this gospel to my kids at 7:45am as we sat in carline to drop them off at school. I explained to my children, four of whom had already been in a couple of scuffles with each other that morning, that we must forgive our brother, our sister, our parent, our friend, our coworker, our teacher, whoever it is that needs to be forgiven. And, if we have done something wrong, we must ask them for forgiveness. I told them that forgiveness is hard, because we feel upset. We were betrayed, done wrong, ignored, annoyed, left out, knocked down, hurt, treated unfairly, etc., but unforgiveness is even worse. It’s hard to say, ‘I’m sorry’ and it’s sometimes even harder to ask, ‘Will you forgive me?’ However, when we don’t forgive, we will begin to harbor resentment in our hearts. And that resentment can lead to anger and the anger can lead to retaliation and revenge.
For example, just that morning, one of my children sat in something sticky! One of my other children laughed at this predicament. So the child who sat in something sticky, decided to whip the rag that was in their hand at the back of the head of the child who laughed. (Oh how things can spiral out of control so quickly during breakfast on a school morning!) See, the child who sat in something sticky has been struggling with kindness toward the child who laughed at the predicament. And the child who laughed, has (I believe) been harboring resentment toward their sibling, so when the sibling sat in something sticky, the child laughed as if to say, ‘at last they got what was coming to them.’
This is the problem with unforgivenness. We begin to harbor resentment, anger, and eventually retaliation in our hearts. This is also the problem with not asking for forgiveness when we do something wrong. Maybe we try to brush over our mistake and try to just do better next time, but the impact of the behavior is still there. And if we fail at doing better next time, the impact builds. When we don’t ask for forgiveness, we are not acting with humility, or taking accountability, or giving ourselves an opportunity to make things right, and the relationship suffers. When we don’t forgive the other person, a clear rift has developed and it will only compound with time.
I continued to teach the kids that when we treat each other charitably (that’s with love, giving the other the benefit of the doubt, not assuming behavior of one another that has not taken place), not only do we avoid occasions that require forgiveness, but when we do make a mistake, it is easier to apologize, and it is easier to forgive. Imagine kids! When you are loving towards one another life is easier and happier… for everyone!
Forgive your brother 77 times or run the risk of torture, the torture of God turning His face from you when you enter heaven. The gospel concludes, ’So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart when you enter heaven.’
In Matthew 5:24 Jesus says, “When you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there, before the altar, and go: first be reconciled with your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.” What does that mean? It means we are not worthy to approach the Holy altar to give our gift to the Father when we our holding on to unforgiveness in our hearts. We are to leave, go and seek forgiveness or give forgiveness, and only then return to the altar of God. At the time of our judgement, we do not want God to turn His face from us!
I explained to the children, including the other two who were scuffling over seat placement in the minivan, that we are human, and it is hard to say, ‘I’m sorry,’ and to ask, ‘Will you forgive me?’ But that we are also eternal, we have heaven-bound souls. We must rise to the occasion of our eternal souls, even if the human thing that we must do is difficult.
The kids were all quiet. “Does everybody understand?” I asked them. “Yes, Mom,” They replied.
Look at our Blessed Mother. Today is the Feast of the Assumption of Mary into heaven. Mary’s soul AND body literally rose to heaven as she was assumed to ultimately take her place as Queen of Heaven and Earth. She is our model of how to exist as a human with a heaven-bound soul. She is the perfect model, so perfect that nothing of her was left behind, she was assumed body and soul. We are called to emulate Mary. We are called to be humble. We are called to love. We are called to forgive. We are called to be forgiven. We are called to receive the body of Christ into our bodies, as she did, to say, ‘yes.’ And we are called to birth Him back out into the world, as she did. May Our Blessed Mother intercede for us. May we receive the courage and strength to do the hard human things required of us so that we may present our gift at the altar to the Father, after we have reconciled with our brother. May we receive the grace to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. Our Blessed Mother will aid us as we strive to rise to the occasion of our eternal souls! Oh Blessed Mother Mary, pray for us!
