I Can’t Make You Happy — And Neither Can Anyone Else

Not long ago, my granddaughter of four came and nuzzled up close to me. “Good morning, Julia, ” I said. No answer. “Julia?” Still no answer. “Something wrong?” I asked.

“Yes,” came the quiet response.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m grumpy and I’m mad.”

“Why are you grumpy and mad, sweet lady?” I asked.

“Because I didn’t want to get up. I want to sleep some more,” came the little response. Not being a morning person myself, I could certainly relate to her displeasure.

“Well, Julia” said I, “you have a whole day in front of you with lots of blessings and surprises. Let’s ask Jesus to help you feel better and fill you with zip so you can enjoy it,” I offered.

“Okay,” came the less than enthusiatic response.

And so we did. I don’t know if Julia felt better, but that little prayer sure helped me get my day going.

I thought about this morning encounter with my grandchild recently, when I pulled out a dated issue of a magazine to read an article on Our Blessed Lady. This article had once given me some profound insights regarding Our Mother and I wanted to both refresh my memory and seek some additional inspiration from it.

But what struck me with this reading, was that I noticed an inclusion on the nature of happiness that I had not reflected on the first few times I read the piece.

It confirmed in philosophical terms something we all know from experience — no one and, in the end, no thing can make us happy. Authentic happiness derives from possessing the ultimate good.

“Joy arises in us when our will possesses some desirable good that leads to authentic happiness” (Peter John Cameron, “Cause of Our Joy,” Homeletic & Pastoral Review, Aug/Sept, 1998, pg. 15).

Indeed, this definition for joy led me to much reflection not only for that particular time of meditation and contemplation, but through the days that have followed.

The definition begs us to define what is a “good,” and implicitly urges us to consider what is the “ultimate good,” for it is there, then, that we find authentic happiness and true joy.

Clearly, the ultimate good would have to be that in which every other good finds its genesis. The ultimate good would, by necessity, be the font from which every other goodness would flow. This good would, by definition then, supersede every other good. The ultimate good must be perfection. There is only one perfection and that perfection is God. God is Ultimate Goodness and, therefore, all else that is good comes from, proceeds from, Him.

The personification of this goodness is Jesus Christ in whom the fullness of deity resides. Therefore, anything that leads us to Christ is good because in leading us to Christ we are led to God. The writer of the article then went on to talk about why Our Blessed Mother is the “Cause of our Joy” since she is the one who gave birth to Jesus Christ and whose mission it is to lead us to Him.

The point was brought home to me again today as I pondered the Office of Readings. The psalm was Psalm 37. In it we read, “If you find your delight in the Lord, he will grant your heart’s desire.” What is the one fundamental desire of the human heart? Happiness. And happiness brings with it peace, interior harmony, integration.

According to the passage, there is one way to attain our heart’s desire — delighting in the Lord. And how do we find our delight in Him — by knowing Him, by loving Him, by serving Him. In other words, through divine intimacy, union with Him. Only God possessing us and us possessing Him can bring us happiness. And when we have Him, we have every good thing, and our joy is impervious to the vicissitudes of life and the disappointments of relationships.

This understanding should lead us to evaluate life, its circumstances, and our daily decisions from a supernatural perspective. First, where do I go to find my happiness? Do I believe my happiness is dependent upon others or upon the attainment of material possessions, title, prestige, power?

Second, if I were to attain a given desire, would it lead me closer to God or further from Him?

Third, what do my decisions or interactions say about who or what I consider to be the source of my happiness? Do I submit them to an examine that helps me judge them based on knowing God, loving God, serving God? What about the decisions I am contemplating now — am I willing to submit them to this test? 

Fourth, what will be the impact of my decision(s) regarding my relationship with God — today, tomorrow, in 10 years, for eternity? 

Answering these questions requires real interior courage, honesty, and no small amount of self-knowledge. However, if we are truly seeking ultimate happiness, the perfection of joy, then it is a process we must consider. The answers we discover will help us know if we are headed toward happiness or compromise, toward joy or disaster, toward hope or desperation, toward peace or frustration, toward unity of being or toward disintegration.

God is always inviting us to ultimate happiness, to relationship with Him, to divine union through His Son, Jesus Christ. May Our Lady, Mother of the Redeemer, take us by the hand and lead us there. Then will we know true joy.

0 Response to “I Can’t Make You Happy — And Neither Can Anyone Else

  1. One of my daughters struggles with depression, especially when she is not working in the outdoor environment (forest/mountains) that she knows keeps her happy, close to god’s nature, and physically active and healthy. She was just notified that she did not “make the cut” so to speak, for permanent positions (for which she was extremely well qualified with both experience and education) and for which we had been praying earnestly for months and months.
    When she came home between jobs this last time, she really came back to her Catholic faith, and has fervently been praying the Devine Mercy daily. She is having a very difficult time understanding and accepting not “qualifying” for these positions for which SHE was sought. She was recommended by the agency, and then called by the forest service asking her to apply. She did all the mounds of paperwork that is required, drove hundreds of miles to introduce herself to the staff, twice, and was encouraged by the local forest office that she should certainly “rate out” for the available permanent positions for which THEY CALLED HER.
    She doubts God so much now because she has lost her chance at several permanent jobs, closer to home that she has been in six years. She really wants to be closer to home; her brother and sister-in-law have quadruplets (two girls and two boys) who are 2 ½ years old, and she has grown really close to them this time home. These positions would have put her only 6 hours from all her family rather than 22 hours away she has been for the past six years.
    She is tired of struggling with the ups and downs of the depression. She is and has been on medication for about 10 years. Six years ago when she moved out of state to complete her education and was experiencing severe back pain, she started to see a local “massage therapist”/doctor. When she mentioned to me that this person had Reiki (?) info in her office, I called you and you advised her not to go back there, which she did not. Do you think all this suffering she has gone through for these last number of years could have anything to do with her being in that office? The doctor (?) took x-rays and did one session her. Sara said she “seemed” to be a nice enough person.
    I have tried to help her see that true happiness comes from within, not from the work we do. But she says that she is not “happy” unless she is working hard in the outdoor environment. I do know that she means being outdoors and working hard keeps her from getting depressed. She keeps up a strict workout regimen because it helps her depression.
    Please pray for our daughter. It’s seems that’s all I can do any more for her.

  2. My heart goes out to you and to your daughter. Clinical depression is a great suffering and a great cross to bear.

    I wouldn’t be quick to think that all of the difficulties your daughter is experiencing are related to the one Reiki session she had, but I would say it would be prudent to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation to take care of any residual effects that could be complicating her situation.

    As I read your post, I was reminded that no suffering occurs without God’s permission. However, He is always about the business of working a great good out of the suffering if we are open to His grace. This is a mystery, but it is true. Consider the fact that God used the very consequence of the first sin — suffering and death — to be the very means through which He would bring salvation — the suffering and death of His Son.

    To the extent that we trust God and place our confidence and faith in Him, to that extent can we find joy even in the midst of great trial.

    This does require a spiritually nmature way of viewing life and its circumstances, but this supernatural outlook is available to each of us through the power of the Holy Spirit.

    My guess is that God has something wonderful in mind for your daughter. Let us pray that she will open her heart to Him and come to discover all He desires to give her.