Astrologers Gather to Predict Election

astrologyEven though astrology is nothing more than a Babylonian occult art, astrologers around the world are resorting to the stars to determine the outcome of the next election.

According to The Guardian,  the world’s astrologers converged on Costa Mesa, California yesterday to pour over their astrological charts and try to determine who is going to win the Presidential election.

Ray Merriman, president of the International Society for Astrological Research, the organization sponsoring the convention, Donald Trump has the edge because he was born under a full moon eclipse and is astrologically from Mars, which is considered an aggressive place, and one that aligns well with the combative mood of the country.

“If you look at Pence and Trump, they’re both Geminis, born either side of Mars,” Merriman said. “So in this election Republicans are from Mars. Make America Great Again – the motto is Mars.”

On the other hand, Clinton and her running mate, Tim Kaine, have their suns making a trine – an angle of 120 degrees. This means the Democrats are from Venus this year.

“Their slogan, Stronger Together, that’s Venus,” Merriman said.

It’s interesting to note that Mars and Venus were lovers according to Roman mythology, but that’s one salacious tidbit that has yet to surface from the sordid backgrounds of Clinton and Trump.

As Rory Carroll writes for The Guardian, that would be “a romance so cosmically wrong it could tilt the Earth off its axis.”

Astrologer Gloria Star made one safe prediction. “Whoever wins, no one will be entirely happy with what they get.”

That’s almost as bad as the other sad reality in this story – these people actually have a 50-50 chance of getting it right.

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