It felt righteous. I was speaking God’s Truth and I was standing up for the life of the most defenseless. “Abortion is murder,” I said with strength and courage, “murder is not the same as natural death!”

It sounded like the person I was speaking with had just compared miscarriages to abortion. Unbelievable! I knew I could win this argument. And as I wrapped up my several points, my extensive knowledge on a subject I was very passionate about, I finally realized that the person to whom I was speaking was crying.

I was shocked silent. The smug and righteous feeling quickly drained away as this person, my friend, wiped her eyes.

It suddenly dawned on me that I was completely unaware of what was happening in this conversation. She was not debating the Pro-Choice cause, she was sharing the pain of her miscarriages. She was trying to cope with the loss of her pregnancies by convincing herself they were not babies at all - and if hers were not, aborted babies must not be either. This is one of the reasons she adopted the pro-choice stance – her need for comfort.

But I did not hear that because I had stopped truly listening the moment abortion came up. Even though I politely stayed quiet while she spoke, I already knew what I was going to say. She came to me with pain, I came to her with debate. Why? Because I was simply waiting to talk.

How often do I do this? How often do I desire so strongly to have strength and resolve in all matters moral that I forget we are taught first to love the person across from us?

The stories of Saints teach us to speak up, and to defend our faith. As we get closer in our relationship with Jesus we pray to have the strength to show our love for Him in trying times. But in our zeal to prove our faith, are we sometimes waiting to preach instead of opening our hearts?

In James chapter 1: 19-20, we are taught, “My beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

How often, in conversations where hot-button topics come up, do we prepare in our head what we are going to say before we have heard the other person all the way through? How often do we resort to anger, frustration and sly words of judgment (“I’ll pray for you”) causing the other person to put up walls of defense, making them unable to hear us as well?

If we fill our heads with strong words instead of opening a listening heart, how do we expect to hear how God is asking us to respond?

Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”

Let us strive to truly listen to others, even those with whom we strongly disagree, with loving ears and open hearts because only then can we truly hear the meaning behind their words. Only then can we hear if they may be open to understanding. Only then, if we listen, can we hope that they might listen to us as well.

Mandy Howard is a happily married mother of three children who writes from Raleigh, NC.